Answers - May 2013 - Page 5:
Drew - Via Twitter
My perfect #Friday night: Hanging out in the parking lot of 7-11 drinking #Goldschlager & smoking #SwisherSweets. That or practicing gaping.
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Drew - Via Twitter
I once saw a guy on the side of the road shaking a raw shrimp @ me from a plastic bag. As I drove away I felt good about visiting my grandpa
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Drew - Via Twitter
Back when I was 13 & set up my 1st email account I thought #YahooMail was the shit. Now I realize Yahoo Mail is actually just shit. #SoSlow
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Drew - Via Twitter
Whenever I feel a fart coming I like to cup my hand over my ass, fart into it & then smell it. That way I can remember what I ate yesterday
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Drew - Via Twitter
Whenever someone says "Im really good at rodeo" I just hear "I dont read no books an likes cows but horses nice too." #RodeoIsFuckingStupid
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Drew - Via Twitter
I wish just once #ChrisBosh would chase those 2 kids from #JurrasicPark through a kitchen, then get eaten by a T Rex. #HeLooksLikeARaptor
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Drew - Via Twitter
@HeatherDawn9810 No better way to start a day than a little 3 Dollar Bill Y’all, then a little Significant Other to keep the evening rolling
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Drew - Via Twitter
An article titled "America’s 10 Best Hot Dogs" catches the news wire and we still don’t understand why the world hates us. #ChiliCheeseEnvy
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Drew - Via Twitter
Ummmmm....yes? #Periods https://t.co/4RmDegyJRY
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Drew - Via Twitter
I wanted 2 get my 2 year old the game"Ants in the Pants" but cant afford it so we r going with the cheaper version "Crabs in Dads Underwear"
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Drew - Via Twitter
When ppl tell me Im 2 drunk I like 2 remind them that I need help finding my car so I can hurry & drive home before ppl notice Im too drunk.
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Drew - Via Twitter
Ppl always tell me Im immature, 2 which I reply "Pull my finger" then proceed 2 shit my pants & run off 2 find the nearest hose & rinse off.
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Drew - Via Twitter
Does any1 know how 2 soften up some dried out #PlayDoh? For some reason I cant get a whole can of it up my ass without it crumbling all over
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Drew - Via Twitter
In honor of #MothersDay I want 2 give a shout out 2 the best mom ever! Now I just need someone to tell me who that is. #SomeonePleaseAdoptMe
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Drew - Via Twitter
Does anyone remember what the hell a #MittRomney even was? I want 2 say it was some kind of egg salad...but that seems wrong. #WasItADouche?
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Drew - Via Twitter
I like 2 believe that #snakes are as afraid of us as we are of them. But Ive never seen one shit ITS pants when I jump out of the grass.
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Drew - Via Twitter
Some people like 2 think of themselves as optimists. I like 2 think of myself as a cheetah who works for the FBI and plays by his own rules.
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Drew - Via Twitter
#NewProductIdea Imaginary Dogs. See, its a dog but its just imaginary. Actually that could probably work for anything. #ImaginaryEverything
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Drew - Via Twitter
Someone once told me "Wow, ur teeth r really white!" To which I replied "Really? Oh wait, hang on a sec, let me wipe the semen off of them."
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Drew - Via Twitter
Shout out to you #America! Where else would 70% of the people living there have an unopened pouch of McDonalds Fancy Ketchup in their yard.
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