Drew - Via Twitter |
|
I wish I knew how 2 pose for pictures & look really cool. I always seem to end up partially blinking with my legs spread eagle #WhoWantsAPic |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
As for me and my house, we will serve the drinks. |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
#KelliePickler won #DancingWithTheStars? This begs the question...why does she have a last name that makes me want to put her on a sandwich? |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
I mean this in the meanest way possible, if u have ever "prayed" for anyone u have literally done nothing for them. #TryActuallyHelpingThem |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
I just bought a ticket for the #NBADraftLottery. Thats the one thats up to 600 million dollars, right? |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
Every dream I have about @GarrettGriess ends with us watching #GoldenGirls together while eating hot dogs and wearing nothing but tube socks |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
Ppl always ask me "Drew what is the secret to ur success?" to which I reply "ghrlrlhhhrgag...is that enough head for another hit of crack?" |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
Some1 once gave me a free #EggMcMuffin at #McDonalds because they thought I was homeless. Long story short I got free breakfast this morning |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
@HeatherDawn9810 I just invented that, its called STOP CRYING BITCH! I also use it when I do my cabaret act in the rain outside the Kum & Go |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
@tori_mich MY WIFE IS PREGNANT! WHEN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN! I need to stop getting drunk every night before bed. #SheMustHaveTrickedMe |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
Does anyone know how to get semen out of Golden Retriever fur? Im asking for a friend. #TheFriendIsMyDog #NoMoreQuestions |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
I really hate how expectant women use pregnancy as an excuse to get so fat. #Excuses |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
If I got a nose job I would definitely go with something subtle...like maybe a rhino horn or an elephant trunk. #YouKnowWhatTheySay |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
I am widely known as a "Master of Seducing Women." I wonder why the court mistakenly charged me with "Master of Abducting Women." #HeyLadies |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
When I get a wine stopper as a gift I cant help but wonder, as an #alcoholic am I supposed to b offended or use it in my bottle off whiskey? |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
I think I would like #NeYo a lot more if he changed his name to YoYo. Also if his music wasnt completely fucking terrible. |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
Im terrible at first impressions, mainly because I usually give the person hepatitis. |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
I cant be certain, but I think this sweaty lady sitting next to me at the park has a tuna sandwich in her pocket. #GetHerSomeMonistat |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
Thinking about getting "The Watering Hole" tattooed above my anus. Hopefully it doesnt attract too many safari animals at once #AnalProblems |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|
Drew - Via Twitter |
|
#NewProductIdea Fashion ankle bracelets 4 super fat women. #SpoilerAlert They r just belts I bought, spray painted & dipped in bacon grease |
|
PermaLink
Comments (Be The First!)
Share
|