Dear Drew,
Every time my friends come over and play my dad comes down in my basement and yells at me to mow the lawn. Can you talk my dad into letting me mow after the dump closes and when me and my friends are done playing?

Ferrett Grease in Gadgetland. I know Drew usually answers these questions, but I've actually had this exact problem.... in fact, it's interesting how similar your story is to mine. Ferrett seems to ryme with my name... wait a second. Who are you? Are you CIA?? MOTHER F*CK THEY FOUND ME.

On a side note, I'll be going a way for a while.

Garrett--Out.

Dear Drew,
Do you ever get the urge to save your feces in jars on shelves in your basement?

Normal in Port Orchard, Yes...absolutely. I find that keeping fresh feces on hand can really come in handy in many day to day situations. Let's say you are having an exciting dinner party...and three extra guests show up that you didn't plan for. Oh no, what on earth will you do? Well, if you have feces in a jar, you can feed the whole bunch without even trying! So don't feel strange if you have these urges, they are completely normal, and tasty! Poop away my friend, poop away!

Dear Drew, When is the new video with me in it going to be ready?

Sydney G. in Winnerville, As AskDrewNow.com's greatest contest winner of all time, we are working diligently to get your video ready to go so the entire world can see how we take care of our fans! That being said, Garrett is very lazy (as you may already know) so it could be up to 30 or 40 years before it is actually ready to go. But hey, maybe your grandchildren will enjoy it some day!

Dear Drew, Who the F R U?

Wannakickurass in Roidland, Well...I'm Drew. So the real question is, who the f*ck are you? Send us your info and we can get you a free AskDrewNow.com prize pack sent out right away, even if you do want to kick my ass. In fact, that makes it all that more exciting, doesn't it? I know I'm titillated.

Dear Drew, Will I meet a nice girl?

Poppy in Poopy, Sadly, no, you will not meet a nice girl. But don't let that discourage you! Just lower your standards and you will meet all sorts of nasty, dirty, sticky girls that will make you forget about any "nice" girl you have ever even though about. Buckle up Poppy and ride the nasty train; it's much easier than trying to find that elusive nice girl.

Hey everyone, we're making a movie. Yeah, that's right, a freakin' movie. It will be a long time before completion as we are just in the developing stages, but we'll keep you updated. In the mean time we will continue to answer all your questions in text and video formats. So keep them coming in!

Do you love America's Got Talent? I know I do... It's the greatest show ever! Don't you agree?

Do you like to be tickled? If so, where?

Elmo in Encino, Actually, I hate being tickled. The thought of someone putting their fingers all over me is exciting, but in practice it is actually quite torturous. But if I had to choose one place I have been tickled that I would consider "the worst" tickle ever, it would be that lovely patch of hair we call a chode. For some reason that is the most sensitive area I have, and when people like Kevin or Garrett try to tickle me there, I find myself screaming like a wood pecker and crapping like a nard fart. So if you see me on the street make sure you don't EVER try to tickle me...unless you really want to, in which case go ahead, it's fine with me!

Dear Drew, Hey it's Keali :D I'm bored and at school with Tayte and John and my question is, "How is your back doing?" ILY!!! PEACE!

KEALIIIIIII JO in CAPITAL TOWN, I'm glad to see you are spending some time at school doing something that is actually productive...checking AskDrewNow.com! Let's be honest, everything you need to know about life can be learned right here. And to catch some of our other fans up to speed, I was recently assaulted with a military-grade water balloon launcher and nearly snapped my spine in half. But fear not! I am one of the most extreme people on the planet so it didn't take long for me to recover. In fact, I will be back faster and stronger than ever, though I will probably just use those skills to sit around and watch tv.

Dear Drew, I have a Samsung hc-p4752w and it shut itself off one night and it wont turn back on. When I plug it in the red light comes on and it flashes like 4 to 5 times and then stays red. Please help me.

Jason Oliver in O-Town, The first thing you need to do is take your Samsung television, soak it in lighter fluid, punch it in its testicles, and then call our good friend the TV Repairman. If you haven't already seen his work, check out our TV Repairman video here on the site. In fact, he is the only person who has ever successfully repaired a Samsung hc-p4752w...which you can see for yourself in our action packed informational video. So leave the repair work to the professionals and give him a call right away. And if you want your very own official TV Repairman prize pack, just send us your address and we will get one sent out right away. Have fun cabana boy!

When are you going to start making the late night TV rounds? I would love to see you bitch slap Letterman.

Dear Drew, Word on the streets is that someone at AskDrewNow.com is a new dad...that means he must have gotten laid at least once. I like that a lot. Do you think he can cum over and join me and my girlfriend? Also, if you don't mind, could my mom and aunt join?

Humped out in Humpville, The tabloids have been following us all over recently, and pictures did surface of one of us "allegedly" having a baby...but none of those reports have been confirmed. But if its help humping you need, I can send out a couple of my best men right away. Just don't be surprised if you come down with some strange rash or some severe burning in your crotch and ankle areas. Just tape an aspirin to it and keep a tube of Preparation H with you at all times. Enjoy!

Dear Drew, My daddy has been a Candy Corn Farmer since 1902. Presidente Obama recently passed "Health Care Reform," but my dad wants to help control the immigration population. If he had his employees' spaded or neutered would it be covered under the new policy?

Schizzle from Fairmont, I think the best path for you daddy to take would be for him to go ahead and keep the spading and neutering within his own family. In fact, the sooner he does this the better. The fact that he is a candy corn farmer would be reason enough, but this question brings to light so many more reasons why surgical sterilization should be required in your family. So don't worry about our new health care system or the immigration population...just get yourself and any of your family down to the free clinic right away to get as many tubes tied and testes clipped so the entire world can breathe a little easier.

Dear Drew, What is a safe amount of toe nails to consume in one day?

Ingrown in Cuticletown, Eating toe nails is completely natural...and nutritious. In my opinion, toe nails are an important part of a balanced diet. They are crunchy, tasty, and sometimes they smell like rotting garbage; especially when you get a nice infected hang nail. You can't really beat that. So eat away, and if you want some of my toe nails to try, just let me know. I can get them shipped out right away.