Dear Drew, Did John Cena get a scholarship?

Nono in Nanette, Yes, John Cena did get a scholarship, but it was to the gorilla house at the local zoo. You see, he has neither the basic intelligence of a three year old, nor the athletic ability of a paralyzed squirrel fetus, so he had to learn the ways of life at the zoo. Hopefully some day he will do us all a favor and just go away. If not, I will simply challenge him to a fight and break his hymen.