How does evolution work? Am I really descended from an ape?

Darwin in Deweese, The short answer is yes, you are absolutely descended from an ape. But don't worry; it is actually a pretty cool thing. Think about how many cool things apes do. They climb on stuff, throw poop at each other, and even bump uglies at the zoo. I don't know about you, but that sounds like the BEST DAY EVER. So if my calculations are correct, our evolutionary process has peaked and will be heading in to the downward curve of "de-evolution" shortly. That means we will slowly devolve back to those hairy and fun-loving apes. The evidence is already in front of us, just look at John Cena. He is already fully devolved to his apish state. I, for one, can't wait.