I take a lot of "half showers" because I get swamp ass all the time. Can you help with my excessive gas & EP's (emergency poops?) Thanks.

Hottie From Omaha, Believe it or not, everyone here at AskDrewNow.com suffers from swamp ass on a regular basis. In fact, we often take baths together just to soak the crust and curds from our lower halves. And as far as half showers go, by all means continue to take these as much as necessary. There really isn't any good reason to wash the top half of your body anyway, so you are really just saving time and water. Now, as far as excessive gas and emergency poops go, you are on your own there. Start by keeping a journal of every time you flatulate or defecate and, in 60 days or so, send it to me and I will go over it with my field of pooping experts. We will create a plan to help your bowels settle and your family and friends be able to stand near you again. So let's start that poop journal tomorrow, I eagerly await the stinky details.