My daddy haz bin in the nooze. Is he gonna keep golfin? Wen will I see my daddy agen?

If you could give one thing to your AskDrewNow.com fans for christmas what would it be?

Satana Moss in Mossy Oak, If I could give just one thing to every one of our AskDrewNow.com fans, it would certainly be the soon-to-be-released DVD: AskDrewNow.com Season 1. It, along with the herpes you may get from the packaging, is the gift that just keeps on giving. Can you imagine being able to watch all of your favorite ADN videos wherever you go? It would be glorious and, dare I say, equal or better even to the birth of a Jewish carpenter in a barn. Just kidding Bible Beater in Blythe, put down the angry letter you started writing, it's all in good fun. But seriously, keep those christmas spirits up Satana and keep an eye out for AskDrewNow.com Season 1, coming to DVD soon!

I heard that Drew doesn't like the movie Legends of the Fall, is this true? It's one of the greatest movies ever made and encompasses the gamut of human experience. For all that is holy, tell me that he likes Dances with Wolves.

I take a lot of "half showers" because I get swamp ass all the time. Can you help with my excessive gas & EP's (emergency poops?) Thanks.

Hottie From Omaha, Believe it or not, everyone here at AskDrewNow.com suffers from swamp ass on a regular basis. In fact, we often take baths together just to soak the crust and curds from our lower halves. And as far as half showers go, by all means continue to take these as much as necessary. There really isn't any good reason to wash the top half of your body anyway, so you are really just saving time and water. Now, as far as excessive gas and emergency poops go, you are on your own there. Start by keeping a journal of every time you flatulate or defecate and, in 60 days or so, send it to me and I will go over it with my field of pooping experts. We will create a plan to help your bowels settle and your family and friends be able to stand near you again. So let's start that poop journal tomorrow, I eagerly await the stinky details.

Why does my local police dept. have surveillance cameras on the roof of their cop shop as well as their "mobile command center?" Is my town suddenly the crime capital? And why does the police chief license his newly purchased pickup in a different county?

Sutton Citizen in Selma, Chances are your local police force got a tip on some interesting activity that is about to happen in your town. While I don't know the details, I would guess it may have something to do with a possible live appearance from all of the members of AskDrewNow.com. We may be preparing a live comedy tour that may be making a stop in your town. Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue when we roll up in our '93 Chevy Station Wagon? Yep, they are simply preparing for the anarchy that will be the AskDrewNow.com Live Comedy Tour. Keep an eye on your cops and on AskDrewNow.com for details...coming soon!

Since Matt Clot was a candy corn farmer who has harvested his candy corn crop for Halloween and Thanksgiving, is he also a candy cane farmer who will have a candy cane crop for Christmas?

Momma Got Sauced in Meatville, Matt Clot, the expert candy corn farmer, actually has several other family members who help him with various farming ventures. Keep a close eye on AskDrewNow.com as you will get to see the handy work of one of his closest relatives very soon. I promise, it will be even better than candy canes.