Why do old people wake up so damn early in the morning? When I'm old I know I'm sure as hell not going to get up before 5 pm.

Rubba Dub Dub in Rocketville, The reason old people get up so early in the morning is actually quite simple. As people start to age their insides, being so warm and moist, actually start to decompose at a faster rate than their outside. Because of this "internal-aging" (*term coined by Drew*) an elderly person's internal clock starts to run faster than the rest of the world. So when 4 am rolls around, an elderly person's colon is already ringing that alarm and screaming "WAKE UP!" So dont blame the elderly for their odd sleep schedule, it's just their insides screaming for help. And that smell they have...yeah...that's also due to the "internal-aging" (*term coined by Drew*)