I recently went to the Zoo and thought I was talking to John Cena, but it ended up being a giant ape. And when I did the "You can't see me" to the alleged John Cena my left ear was bitten off and my cankle was ripped to shreds. Who do I take to court the zoo, the ape, or John Cena?

Benoit in Brussels, This is a very tricky legal matter...lucky for you I am an expert in pro wrestling/zoo/ape litigation. The first thing you want to do is sue John Cena...because he sucks. The fact of the matter is that the only reason to ever sue anyone is simply because they suck. The zoo and the ape are innocent bystanders in this case. Of course, it is widely accepted that John Cena does look like an ape...so I guess if it is a no-talent moose knuckle who looks like an ape, take them down.